Upcoming KUAT Segment

Friday June 5th Steven Derks and I were filmed at Gallery 801 for an upcoming segment on KUAT's Arizona Illustrated. The segment is about arts and the economy. I was told they are interviewing several local artists about using new marketing techniques like social networking i.e. Facebook, Twitter, etc. to stay afloat in a down economy. I talked about TRAC (Tucson Revivalist Artist Collective) a group that Steven Derks founded that I am a part of that has put together a few shows at 801. For more on TRAC visit their website. To learn more about the show we put together called "Home Tweet Home" utilizing twitter click here: www.tweettucson.com . You can also follow us on twitter at www.twitter.com/tweettucson and www.twitter.com/muttbutt .

Here are some photos of KUAT producer Sooyeon Lee, her crew, and my toddlers getting into mischief at Gallery 801. The segment should air sometime this week. I'll post the time and date when I know.

Jewel Trees

On The Wish Granting Jewel Tree of Tibet

I recently downloaded a recording of Robert Thurman's The Jewel Tree of Tibet: The Enlightenment Engine of Tibetan Buddhism from audible.com . This series of recordings has really altered how I see the world and inspired my recent spurt of tree paintings.


Recently Robert Thurman has taken the place of my former committee PhD chair as my favorite old fart academic father like guy. Oh by the way- Thurman- yes that Thurman, in addition to being Uma Thurman's dad, he is also the Jey Tsong Khapa Professor in Indo-Tibetan Buddhist Studies at Colombia University

In the recorded version of Jewel Tree Thurman takes the listener on a 6 lesson retreat on Tibetan Buddhism. Here's a snippet from a review in Publisher's Weekly:

Thurman successfully spins the text's interpretation so that it becomes more transparent to a Western audience. He describes Buddhist karma, for example, as "Darwinian evolution with an individual twist," and also cautions readers not to adopt some blissed-out, mind-emptying idea of Buddhism just because they imagine that it's Eastern and therefore superior. "When we seek to enter the path of enlightenment, we have to engage with society." On the other hand, he notes, we also need to embrace ascetics like monks and nuns, and invest generously in their work toward liberation. The book has some truly beautiful moments, as when Thurman encourages readers to meditate on the loving-kindness of their mothers (even the bad mothers, he says, made sacrifices to keep their children alive and fed), or when he offers 11 steps to compassion, love and happiness. Although there are a few hiccups - moments when it becomes obvious that the "root text" of Mentor Devotion is a tricky one indeed - this is a fine tool on the road to enlightenment.


Thurman is quirky, deep, a total lefty politically and gets his politics in every chance he gets- most of which I don't agree with, well the end result but would argue the path by which he gets there, but I honor that view- as it is similar to my husband's view and he presents them in a hilarious way. He has these amazing rants that show the breadth of his knowledge, that begin with a pedagogical discourse, a history lesson, a quote from Shakespeare, Socrates, brings it back to Buddhism, pulls you into meditation mode, and soon you've left the planet and sank deep into the unified field- drawing from a deeper well of information I hadn't thought possible from a book on tape.

The heart of the audio retreat is learning the skill of visualizing the "Wish Granting Gem Tree". As I have been meditating on it every night for the past couple months I am just starting to get. It is a symbolic tree of refuge within which sits all the enlightened beings ready to reach out and assist you with any requests you may have. He leads you through the visualization- imagining a tree- seated with Buddha, Jesus Christ, Socrates, Lao Tzu, Krishna, Mary, whomever you choose as your mentor deity. Here's a description of the tree from Thurman's Inside Tibetan Buddhism/Rituals and Symbols Revealed: Rituals and Symbols Revealed (Signs of the Sacred)

You visualize a lush, green meadow in a vast heavenly field in a perfected realm. There is a crystal lake with delicious waters, from which grows a majestic tree. Its powerful trunk has five main branching sections and flowers and wish-granting gems hang on it like fruit. On the central branch at the center of the crown, there is a shining jewel throne with a glowing moon-disc cushion upheld by eight magic lions. On that throne sits your mentor in the form of a perfect Buddha. Above him or here there is a stack of historic mentors, a living, astral chain of mentors reaching back to the historical Buddhas and adepts... Before the tree circulates a vast host of fierce protector deities. All the enlightened beings on and around this wish-fulfilling refuge tree seem vividly alive, fully aware of you and your practice and dedication. They smile at you radiantly, and their delight in you fills you with joy and confidence. Around you in the field are all ordinary beings, including your family, dearest friends, worst enemies, and all animals (for the moment in human form.). All of them look toward you longingly, seeking help in their own quests for safety and happiness. You vow that your going for refuge will help all of them.


Thurman paints a portrait of this cherished Tibetans Buddhist tradition of "wish-fulfilling jewel tree" that is totally accessible to a 30 something Midwestern girl. He brings it down to a level where extremely difficult esoteric ideas are explained in a way I really get. The kernel of which is that what the Buddha taught has the power to generate bliss and enlightenment within all who absorb its teachings, be they Buddhist, Christian, Jew, Muslim. Everyone one can benefit from his project because it is not religion but a way of seeing the world. Thurman argues that happiness, in fact, is the true goal of Tibetan spirituality. Wish-fulfilling jewel tree imagery acts like a mandala or a yoga pose to focus your attention on truths larger than yourself. It allows a space that is completely lacking in the Western imagination, a map you can jump into, look around and find out who you are and why you are here.

For me personally, it has become an incredible vehicle to better understand myself and the world.

It has inspired this whole new series of trees. Each one a "wish granting tree" that brought a new perspective to my practice and my art.

So Long to a Good Old Dog

Sleepy Tyler dog napping in the studio by my side as I write this...for the last time...







11/22/2008

As I write this I feel like I need to provide a little back story for the blog reader who hasn’t been kept apprise of the events taking place in our household over the past few weeks. So let me rewind a bit. First of all Tyler is our dog. My dog actually, well initially, but now he is- or was- the beloved family dog. Tyler arrived on the scene in 1996 pre-husband and kids. Tyler was my first dog and my only dog. For over a decade he was loyally by my side as my service dog officially and my best friend unofficially. For the better part of a decade we were no further than a leash length apart. And fortunately for me, being that close to a source of constant support, encouragement, and unconditional love, can have a profound effect on a person. I have paralysis from a truck roll over accident in 1991 and for years Tyler trotted alongside my wheelchair, As I flip through the scrapbook pages of my life- my college graduations, first job, wedding, birth of my children, there is Tyler, or at least a recognizable Labrador body part, usually a tail, butt, back of his head, lounging lump of snoozing dog mass, somewhere in the photo.

At 13 years old Tyler’s been on the decline. 2 years ago moments before a toddler Halloween party he was bitten by a rattlesnake in our backyard, and upsetting as this was had he not been bit we might have had 18 toddlers on our porch painting pumpkins alongside a loose diamond back. (A short side note: this is only one tale of how Tyler saved the day his antics and bravery could fill a book that would put that Marley dog to shame!). After the rattlesnake bite Tyler never quite bounced back to his spunky old dog self. Despite this, he seemed content enough to follow the babies around wagging his tail while snagging goldfish crackers and forgetting all his service dog etiquette. Even when his eyesight began to fail he seemed overjoyed to hang out under the high chair and capture all the airborne peas and bananas catching food midair with almost a 6th sense. Then over the past months I’d noticed his back legs giving out- him having a harder time getting up and the cataracts that caused occasion diminished eyesight turn into complete blindness, but as long as we didn’t move the furniture around he did alright. Then one terrifying day a few weeks ago walking across the tile his back legs froze in paralysis and didn’t work at all, and he panicked dragging them behind him whining in terror and then as soon as it started they “popped’ back to working again as I watched in horror with a burning knot in my stomach.

Deep Breath.

Right about this time, approximately 3 weeks ago I went for a urology appointment. Those of you who may or may not be familiar with paraplegia urology is something that becomes a regular yearly thing to keep up on and well- having had two babies within 3 years, with all those appointment, I had skipped my annual urology duty a couple times, and then pretty soon it became 4 years and then I started having some symptoms and I thought I better go in.

During my visit the doc was looking at my bladder (from the inside) and said “oh mmmm” pregnant pause, and then “uh mmmmm”. And I knew that sound couldn’t be good, and as I inquired, she said. “See that there... that’s a tumor....and it looks, well, cancerous” and then went on to explain what a non-cancerous tumor looked like as opposed to cancerous one. Having no frame of reference of what the inside of my bladder looks like on a good day I couldn’t tell the difference just that this wasn’t sounding good, then the word cancer sort of settled in and rang in my ears, buzzing, over the sound of my 18 month old screaming in waiting room with dad and the rest of the doctors words morphed in “wahhh wahhh wa wa wa wahhhh” like the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons and I have no idea what she said until she asked “would you like me to have you husband come in the room” and I somehow squeaked out a “yes”. From the buzz of words the room and lights took the same unfocused slant and slowly she came back into focus through my tears with my husband pale white and serious standing by her side holding our baby waving his plastic giraffe in the air.

Deep Breathe.

We decided that tumor needed to be removed and biopsied and scheduled the operation and the waiting began.

Deep Breathe.

November 11, the morning of the surgery I awoke to this piecing squeaking noise and upon awakening I realized it was Tyler whimpering and whining in his dog bed. He had had another episode of his back legs giving out and was stuck and bed. He couldn’t get up and joyfully bounce alongside the bed until we all woke up and gave him his breakfast. Carl tried to help him up and his backside was totally limp. Here I am having surgery in 4 hours to take out a possible cancerous tumor, with my best friend now also paralyzed crying helpless before me, what could I do? Again to use a Charlie Brown reference “ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH”. I am not only worried enough about the two babies I am leaving in someone else’s care while I go under the knife now my old buddy decides to give out on me the morning of. So we give him an extra dose of his doggie anti-inflammatory drug and in about a ½ hour he pops back to his old self. So I told him that day just hang on buddy a couple more days- I still need you- then you can go, I’ll let you go, I promise. He licked my face- which he never does- he’s not a licky dog and I headed to surgery now my stomach in double knots.

I got through the surgery and then came the endless waiting for the results. 9 days of feeling my life hung in the balance. 9 days of not knowing what lie ahead. Tyler hung in there with us. Then Wednesday I got the biopsy results and they came back cancer free. Another Deep Breathe. We made it. Well, we made it, the humans of the household. Tyler was really not doing so well and I told him I remembered my promise and kissed him on the head- he met me halfway with a tap of his wet nose.

The next day Tyler stopped eating his breakfast. The next day I called the vet. This brings us up to today.

Right now it’s almost way past midnight on 11/21. I’ll bring him in sometime after 9 tomorrow and it will be the end of a long era of my life.

I’ve been sitting in my studio painting, sobbing, smiling, and remembering. Spinning in all the events that have taken place in a few short weeks. I breathe in and out matching my breathes to his calm dog deep breaths. Being still and quiet savoring the last few moments in my studio with Tyler by my side, sprawled out sleeping at my feet. I set the paints down a few moments to write this out. I wanted to remember the snores, the snuffles, the jittery rabbit chasing spasm sleeping dreams, the ear flips and sighs and how I’d look up from what I was doing to see him on his dog bed beside me. These fabulous all night painting sessions we’ve shared recently and especially since children came along. How much I’ve treasured these sacred and rare silent moments together in a still night time house.

I started this painting of trees when I got the tumor diagnosis and it was for me, a way to sort of paint the darkness and fear out of my head. Now that I am through that it seemed only fitting that Tyler be part of it, trotting happily back to the magical place he came from. Because in many ways it represents what he’s done for my life. That story, as I said, could fill a book, but in short he showed me the way- the way of kindness, silliness, not taking yourself so seriously, the way of merriment, gratitude, and most importantly the way of unconditional love. Tyler cleared a big bright path of Labrador Light romping merriment through what one could make into a dark and scary place and in the process his glow transformed it into something beautiful and mystical. The lesson Tyler taught me was its all in how you want to look at it that changes how it really is.

I’ll let the painting speak for itself. I know it’s sentimental and self-indulgent. I don’t care. I love my dog.

Thank you Tyler- you are a good dog. I set you free.

One more Deep Breathe.

Amen.

It’s 2:30 am and I am just going to post this up on the blog and head to bed to catch a couple moments of sleep before we go in. So I am sure there are type-o’s and English errors. But I don’t want to chicken out and click “delete”. If you happen to read this and it is Saturday morning of 11/22 say a little prayer for my little doggy’s journey to the great big rabbit chasing field in the sky. And a little one for me- that I do alright getting through the departure this morning!